Today was a very tough day. A tombstone bearing your name confirmed that you were there, or at least the dust that turns to dust again. I am certain that your soul, your essence and your smile are with me wherever I go.
Not just in your sister, in your father, in your entire family or in myself but also in this little world of ours, you have left an imprint, at your young age, that will last forever. Sandra sings Maka’s songs, her favourite, (you know him, I don’t) such as the one I am sharing.
Above all, you have left behind better people, people who want and yearn to be better, to enjoy the moment, to get up every day simply because they have the privilege to open their eyes, something you can no longer do, and give everything they have to achieve their
challenges, their goals. They wish to love more and love better and have the good in each of them define how the world sees them. The same way your values, your dedication and your nobility defined you.

People tell me they put everything in perspective more than before, they dismiss what’s negative and toxic and cling on to the simple, beautiful things in this life, just like you did.
What a beautiful legacy you left us, you left me. A good hug fills me with energy and brings me love and tenderness; I pay attention to small details, I listen more although I talk a lot because I receive a lot of help. The grief is always there but it is comforting to feel
accompanied.

Not a day goes by when I don’t gaze at the sky looking for your sign. Sometimes, a single star shines and accompanies us during our night stroll, I feel closer to you then. Butterflies accompany your sister when she goes to see you, that’s another sign. Max is patient with
me, I tell him about you, he keeps me company at home all the time, although he sleeps a lot, he gives me a lot of peace.

Breathing at home is so hard without you, I miss hearing the typing on the keyboard, your conversations in the background and even your half-hour long showers. Your cereals, your toothbrush are still here… sometimes I steal a little of your cologne, so I feel like you’re with
me.

It still seems incredible to me that I haven’t seen you for so many days. To hug you and feel small next to you, to massage your back as you enjoyed and to listen to your latest silliness, a tiktok, a video, a great song… dad continues to make cheese pizza on Fridays, there will always be one for you, with your lemon fanta. Those movies we watched together, with the «babaus» that never missed any. Sandra comes over sometimes, she also likes the cheese pizzas, and gathered like this, with your photo in the sofa I feel like we’re back together. I feel that not touching your curls is what I miss the most, also holding you tight until you complain, or massaging you softly, and you asking me not to stop.

And yes, having been robbed just like that of those simple things is what hurts me the most.
They have ripped the skin, the heart and the soul of those who loved you. If they could feel just for a split second of their lives, the constant pain that I feel inside, they would know that our world has been plundered, our inside, our peaceful nights stolen. That cry, that sigh in the middle of the night, that lost tear that won’t let you drive, or that other one that you rub from your eyes so that no one sees what you are feeling…

And as the song says:

You are beyond the moon, because you are the only one who can enlighten me.
I see your signs in the moonglade, we can never reach you. Rage that you run through my veins yet I cannot hug you.
And I have learned that life hits and hurts