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33. One Year
Today the words, the feelings, the pain of your absence and the restlessness are crowding my head and my heart. A strange feeling, a few days of memories. One year, one year since my life changed. I know there is no mother who would not say that her life changed when she became a mother.
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32. Dear grandson
Dear grandson: When I think of you, and I do often, I lose track of time and I cannot believe that a year has passed since that fateful day, because in my mind those images are still engraved and the memories of those terrible hours we were waiting for the resurgence of a life, which
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31. In the memory of a child, no one dies
I said in a post that I would talk about friends, and possibly one of the most difficult blog entries to express is this one. Because they are family, you take it for granted that they will be there, but when it happens you don’t know how happy I am to be able to have
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30. My grief
«The wounds are sewn with the thread of time and there is no thread that is not tied to a needle, how can it not hurt to mend the soul».R.Morán I want to honour my son’s death in the best way possible. I will try to be happy, try to integrate his noisy absence into
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29. One more night walking with Max
And suddenly the knot becomes tense, tight, the food doesn’t go down but the tears do. One of those times you share pain, sorrow and deep desolation. And you don’t know whether to cry with it or keep it together, she is your mother and you put up with it; you don’t know why you
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28. We are left with a choice
Parallel reality. You see the world from both a privileged and at the same time forced position. While you reset yourself every day you see the lives of others passing by and it hurts. Yours has somehow come to a standstill and no matter how much you want to, you can’t get into a rhythm,
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27. Magic night
I wish I could go back to January 2023, where the most repeated resolutions at the beginning of the year were mine; now I force myself to at least try to wake up every morning with a «this is what we have to live with, forever». So it’s up to me to choose how to
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26. Starting from scratch
Today I don’t have the strength to express my feelings, I’ll leave it for another day, another month, another year. 2023 is so indelibly etched in fire that it has become my Achilles heel. Today I wish an immediate future, that is to say, a NOW full of good wishes for my big family, the
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25. Christmas. Part 2
It’s a coincidence that Christmas Day is the same day as my entry, the 25th. What I thought would be a way of venting my pain and letting people know who Oscar was and who he is for us, has become a whirlwind that has pushed me steadily with more than 47 thousand visits to
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24. Christmas. Part 1
Today I went outside. I don’t remember the last day I went out, to be touched by the sun, to wear a smile and dive into decoration stores. I used to love looking for beautiful things and imagining them at home. I can’t remember putting on my makeup calmly and thinking about a fabulous day.
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22. An October of friends
October closes its doors, a month that I always liked for many beautiful moments, in particular one that sweetened my life even more if possible. For 18 years we celebrated his birthday with eagerness because he was one of the youngest of the group, if not the youngest. October brings unforgettable moments and precious memories.
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21. Today is the 13 th of October
At the beginning of the year you said you were going to celebrate your birthday for 4 days,great, it’s Friday with a 4-day long weekend, perfect. Today we feel your absence and the emptiness left without you, which fills every room in the house. Today I would hug you tighter than other days, kiss you
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20. Neither day nor night
5 in the morning, Saturday. I was thinking of doing the «ronso» as we used to say, to be lazy, put off waking up and have a lie-in in bed with no pretensions, no plans. How cool it was to have no pressure to get up, how we liked to be in bed like bears.
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19. #Ó7TRAVEL
I have such a turmoil of feelings inside me that I will have to write more often because experiences are accumulating and each and every one of them deserves to feel, breathe, close your eyes and feel… Beautiful moments in which a hug, the kind that you squeeze tightly, that you feel and restarts you.
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18. Each to our own
No matter what day we are on, there are no dates more difficult than others, but we do remember with great regret these days 29, 30, 31, 1, 2… and even a week from the terrible moment until your funeral as the most difficult days to remember in my life, my heart shrinks and that
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17. And suddenly
And suddenly I want to tell you something I heard in the car. I saw that programme you liked or simply a meme that only you would understand and it stays there… in draft… because I don’t have you and I don’t know how to get it to you. And suddenly I say to myself…(…)
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16. Summers in the retina
This post has a thousand images in my memory. Every summer before having you, with your sister, and then with you, have been a different adventure with simple and special details every year; Asturias, Huelva, Mexico, Menorca, Prague, Andalusia and so on until completing 18 summers with you. From each place you came back with
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15. Today I want to write to you
Today I am writing to you Oscar, perhaps the most difficult letter, although I hope not the only one. I want you to know about the many things that have happened … Your Yaya is a champion, she does her exercises to get better and soon she will be able to walk without help. Your
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14. Today, we are all going home
3 months ago today, listening to «You are not alone», we entered the Church of Sant Just to say goodbye to you, with all the honour, respect, love and affection you deserved.Surrounded by all of those who loved you, we saw hundreds of glassy eyes that hid the pain of losing you, a deafening silence
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