One of those times when I updated his phone – because it’s still there, with the same number, the same accounts, and his playlists – sometimes I listen to his lists; I feel they connect me even more deeply to him.

A notification pops up on the screen from X, which I don’t have an account on, but my curiosity gets the better of me, and I log in through his account. I scroll back through the last days of his account – March 24th, 2023 – five days before his operation.

I read a post he added, and my curiosity is piqued by that song; I don’t know it.

«I’m sorry for the people who don’t understand this song.”

And so I start listening. The words, the feeling – I feel how the melody slips into my heart, into my skin, and I sense that these are his words. Soft and full of feeling, sweet and harmonious.

These are the small, special details that keep making me fall in love with him – those hidden treasures that appear just when I need them most. They remind me of the sensitivity he had: a beautiful song, a flower, any detail that life happened to place before his eyes.

Feeling him near has always become my silent companion. Even when I act silly, I can imagine him gesturing – either that I’m crazy or that he’s embarrassed. And I’m learning to live with him, but in a different way.

And that’s why I feel blessed to keep discovering these bits of him, even after all this time which for me still feels like an instant – treasures from his life, precious enough to keep forever in my memory.

I integrate his presence into my life differently now, though it’s sometimes painful and heartbreaking. The wounds in my heart keep reminding me of moments I’ll never forget – they’ll always be there.

New experiences recharge my soul, and through him, my heart beats in peace. I wouldn’t dare say with joy or happiness, but yes – with peace. Happiness is an instant sparked by something fleeting, but peace fills me slowly, little by little.

Gratitude – that’s what I feel most for those who care for me, in as many ways as there are faces. Those who make me smile, who make me keep living – not just surviving. How beautiful it is not to feel alone. Thank you.

Thank you, Oscar, for your song. I understand it my love, and I carry a piece of yesterday on my skin. It’s now included in my list of favorites.

I know there are many subscribers all over the world, so here I leave you the translation from Catalan to English:

I carry with me the things you told me
Your love
My poison
A part of you blooms in me
My love

My destiny

I’m happy close to danger
I’m only like a wish
Like a wish
There is still love in this world and I love you so much
And I love you so much
And I’m also afraid

I always carry a piece of yesterday
And once again I escape
And once again I escape
I always carry a piece of yesterday
And once again I escape
The grey clouds cry
And make us miss the good weather
The memory of what we were
To hell with it all, eh
I remember I told you
It would be better this way

I don’t know anything, but I want to believe
That in the end I’ll know how to decide
If deep down we are the truth
Of everything that has happened to us
We are the luck of still being here

So strange and so beautiful
Between the miracle and the disaster is where we live
A sky of lights to make you happy
The night shines, and it does it for you
Because you’re here

So strange and so beautiful
Between the miracle and the disaster is where we live
A sky of lights to make you happy
The night shines, and it does it for you
Because you’re here
Of course you are

I always carry a piece of yesterday
And once again I escape
And once again I escape
I always carry a piece of yesterday
And once again I escape
And once again I escape