At the beginning of the year you said you were going to celebrate your birthday for 4 days,
great, it’s Friday with a 4-day long weekend, perfect.

Today we feel your absence and the emptiness left without you, which fills every room in the house. Today I would hug you tighter than other days, kiss you more than other days and love you more than other days.

Your 19 th birthday couldn’t be here, in this world, which is showing us what it is to love with your heart held tightly in a fist. I know what it is to have a broken heart, I know what it is to find no comfort in any corner, I know what it is to wander around without meaning. Crying resets my heart and I hope that one day it will heal this wound that I am not able to heal. I still smell your clothes hanging behind the door. I still wear your perfume to feel your presence. I lie in your bed and I wear your sweatshirt. I kiss your image at night, I embrace it hoping that one night you will come with me. I wish I could dream about you and for an instant go back a year, celebrate your 18th birthday and continue talking about projects.

Today, those who love you celebrate having known you. They light up their room with a candle in your memory and recall moments of happiness, because that is what you transmitted. Today they feel your loss more than ever for not being able to write and congratulate you. Today they write to Sandra, to papa and to me.

I look at photos of your birthdays and I remember every moment with your smile, receiving hugs and gifts, in short, as much love as you offered.

I want to think that you are above me or by my side, I don’t care. Those signals that reach us are yours. I need to think that you left us for something more important, something necessary and more vital than staying here with your loved ones. I still feel your presence, your checked pyjamas and your chubby slippers.

I need to honour your life, to talk about you every day and to feel you close, today more than ever.

Today we are all going to blow out candles for you, for your 19 years. We are inundated with affection, love and sentiment, in union for you. Oscar, you have created an infinite wave that crosses seas and with every tear shed brings a labyrinth of emotions in all those you have left your mark on. Tonight, the candles will illuminate half the world, because the other half looks to the sky looking for a sign. You are still a magnet of good vibes, energy and tireless spirit, full of fantasy, and that smile… that smile that I loved to enjoy.

I hug you tightly my son, as I did 19 years ago when you came to complete us. Beautiful, fat, serene and hungry. I didn’t hear you cry until the 2-month vaccine, you were wonderful as a baby, fun as a child and happy on each of your birthdays. It hurts me but I like to see the memories of so many photos, so beautiful. I hope the day comes when we can talk about you between laughs, remembering your antics and moments of happiness. For now it can’t be. Today will be a long day without you, but the three of us will watch your latest movie together with you always.

#hastaquenosvolvamosaencontrar