This post has a thousand images in my memory. Every summer before having you, with your sister, and then with you, have been a different adventure with simple and special details every year; Asturias, Huelva, Mexico, Menorca, Prague, Andalusia and so on until completing 18 summers with you. From each place you came back with a souvenir that we have kept in your box, in your suitcase…

You wanted and we wanted to visit countries and special places to treasure, from which you always got something special. You were impregnated with the history of Prague and the war and the holocaust; you lived the Aztec history in Tulum and explored the forests of Huesca with your father and a stick. You adapted to everything, sleeping in the open with tata looking at the stars, now you are the star that lights our way; the most beautiful, you took advantage of everything and we enjoyed that adventurous spirit

My darling, if I have missed you every day, now in these days I miss you so much more. I see your room in our holiday apartment as you left it last summer and you don’t know how much it hurts and how your absence fills every corner. Every wave in the sea reminds me of you, all different and they all take me back to the hours you spent alone or with Dani and a ball, nothing more and nothing less. It hurts. You think that time solves everything, it relaxes, helps and it is only one more tattoo, one more day, one more week, one more month without you. Today is 5 months since your burial, the most beautiful, sensitivo and unique, chosen to say goodbye to you.

A year ago today I saw you enjoying the festivities of Sant Just with your friends. I liked to see you walking around with that smile on your face; today I don’t want to be here and I’m distancing myself from everything, because everything hurts.

From now on, it is all those who knew you who will travel for you and carry you in their hearts. We are preparing hundreds of stickers of the logo that Toni created with so much affection, and we are handing them out to everyone who asks us and this will travel with them. It doesn’t have to be this summer, for me, let it be 18 more summers, let them take this souvenir with them on their travels and portray those beautiful places that we have yet to see and show them to us with your brand. Ó7 is a way of saying that you are with them and that you were there too.

Karma says: «You will have to appreciate from afar, what you once had nearby.» How right. We value so many details that previously seemed unimportant. I miss your «I’m coming», «I’ll do it now», and the «uff what a pain». I miss your essence, your image, your laughter and your soul. Seeing you lying on the sofa watching any sports. With your shoulders tanned by the sun and that brown face, how I miss you, all of you.

The emptiness I feel, I realize, will be forever. It will not be filled with other things, nor will it be supplanted by other people. Impossible, you are irreplaceable. There will always be that emptiness to remind me that they broke me in two, that I will always feel that something is missing until your absence comes to my mind again. It makes me angry that you will miss so many opportunities, so many experiences and that you won’t continue to fill the lives of those around you with stories to store in our memory. We have to rely on memories, there will be no new moments.

Your laughter and your jokes are on a loop on my retina. What hurts is seeing you by chance in a video jumping a snow mogul and shouting for having done it. I found it in my Ig profile, you don’t know how much I cried when I heard you.Or seeing you in a disco with your friends, those sunglasses that said «Kiss me», or seeing your first swim in the sea atsummertime; now everything is being pulled from memory.Because the images are a tremendous blow, they grab your heart and squeeze it, I want to tear out the pain I feel, that I don’t know how to express and that I know will be perennial.

Holidays, they say that holidays don’t mean doing nothing, rather doing different things… but what about feeling that you don’t belong anywhere, that you don’t want to go anywhere different and you don’t want to stay where everything is a memory of you, that you don’t want anything and nothing comforts you?

Those who stole your life, those who mutilated my heart, have turned me into a professional of submerged and hidden crying, and although there are many times that I show myself as I am, with the sign of pain on my face, at the same time I feel that I want to scream and I cannot because this does not go away and it never will, And when that moment comes,when I am alone, when nobody hears me, it is when I feel closer to you. I shout your name and I wish from the bottom of my being that you appear and take me by the hand – «Mother»… Here I am, I haven’t left, I’m still with you.

Now I know that you left never to return but at the same time you will always be by my side